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The Second Crime Scene

by Paul Shapera

on Kevin & Abi and the Secret of the Golden Pendant (2021)

Kevin: Wow, this looks like it was one hell of a party
Abi: The Voodoopunks were famous for their parties
Kevin: Yeah, but look at these people, most of them are so drugged up I dont think there's a coherent brain cell among them
Abi: The best parties are not known for their temperance
Kevin: Well, they're all partying in heaven now. Or will be, it says on that banner there that thеy're leaving in a week
Abi: I don't know, my mom always laughed at thе idea that they made it to Elysium
Kevin: Well where'd they go then?
Abi: Will go, they're all still right here at the moment
Kevin: Oh lord, time shenanigans
Abi: Waka waka waka
Kevin: No. There's no way you can possi...
Abi: I'm teasing you. No, I'm thinking about making it an actual phrase. Like, I gotta hex for your necks? Pecks? Rex? Tex? It's a tough rhyme...
Kevin: We should get on with it. Listen up everyone, licensed detectives here
Abi: Soon to be licensed in like twenty years
Kevin: Hush. We're going to need to conduct some interviews. Can someone please tell me what happened here?

Choir:
There's a murder at the party, there's a couple of dead bodies
And they're both just laying there upon the floor
It's a drag and it's a cancer, and it's bummin out the dancers
And we've got to get the groove back here once more


Kevin: Wow, you three again
Terna: I'm sorry, have we met?
Abi: Kev, look closely, she looks a lot like Temna but not quite. I think she's a relative
Kevin: Uh, what's your name?
Terna: Terna
Abi: Based on the timeline this would be Temna's mother
Terna: I'm sorry, how do you know my little girl?
Sogandra: I hope your girl doesnt grow up to have shaggy nipples like her mother
Terna: How's that chlamydia coming along? Given it to half the party now I hear
Kevin: Can you please just tell me what happened here?



Terna:
We've all come here to celebrate the Voodoopunks for
In a week they're gonna step right through Elysium's door
My family is helping out to throw this little bash
Cause lord knows we have the money and we're generous like that

We even let Sogandra in

Sogandra: The Balleys open to all!

Terna:
Well there's that but with her here of course it all has gone to hell
My mother came to Albion with nothing but you see
I've amassed a solid fortune

Sogandra: Because you stole it all from me!

Terna:
A couple here is dead, they've been poisoned we are sure
And they've left behind a son who won't have parents any more
Sogandra has a boyfriend who I'm sure was serving drinks
I had ordered one from him but they died before I drank

I wouldn't put it past Sogandra to do something foul
She's jealous that I've gone and made something of myself
This father and this mother have both died from poisoned drinks
The last one who had touched them was her boyfriend, yes I think


Choir:
There's a murder at the party, there's a couple of dead bodies
And they're both just layin' there upon the floor
It's a drag and it's a cancer, and it's bummin' out the dancers
And we've got to get the groove back here once more


Kevin: So two victims this time. Did they drink from the same glass or have separate glasses?
Abi: They each have a glass lying by them
Kevin: So possibly separate glasses. Interesting
Abi: At least it appears that way
Kevin: And the last one to handle them was.. oh god, this guy again
Abi: Kev, it's his dad
Kevin: Right right. Ok, um, you are....
Ernie: Ernie
Kevin: Ok Ernie, tell me what happened

Ernie:
My name is Ernie Marsh, I sell washing machines
They're the best in all the city if you want your clothes clean
But sales it can be tough so to make some extra cash
I agreed to serve drinks at this bash the Balley had

Sogandra gave a champagne glass to give to Terna but
I had others drinks upon my tray and was busy serving one
When the husband grabbed one of them, maybe two I don't know
I didn't think to keep track it's a busy night don't you know

Sogandra there and Terna hate each other, it goes back
To some fight their mothers had years ago while in the past
But if you need the very best in new laundry technology
I've got deals so please don't hesitate to come round and see me


Choir:
There's a murder at the party, there's a couple of dead bodies
And they're both just layin' there upon the floor
It's a drag and it's a cancer, and it's bummin' out the dancers
And we've got to get the groove back here once more



Kevin: Thank you Ernie
Abi: What does this have to do with the pendant?
Kevin: It has everything to do with the pendant. Sogandra, is it?
Sogandra: That's Lady Sogandra to you
Kevin: Of course it is. Did you give a glass of champagne to Ernie here to give to Terna? Why don't you tell us what happened?

Sogandra:
Yes, I gave a glass, I figured that I would be nice
But these accusations make me think I'm being framed but why
Terna's mom was jealous of my mother who got rich
Then moved here to New Albion where I've always lived

And Terna, when she moved here was as poor as poor can be
But then suddenly her fortune turned, because she stole from me
Something that I'd rather not go into here and now
But now she's nouveau rich and so tacky that cow

That poor boy who is orphaned has godparents I believe
They're much richer than his Voodoopunk mom and dad so see
He'll be better off, but I assure whatever it might seem
I am innocent, It's Ernie who's suspicious don't you think?

Terna: So you're just going to set up your own boyfriend?
Sogandra: Friends with benefits. He's too poor to be my boyfriend
Ernie: But you said---
Sogandra: Not now, dear
Kevin: Ok girls, let's talk about the pendant of Kultainen
Terna: What?!?
Sogandra: How do you know about that?
Terna: You can't have it!
Ryvyr: No you can't have it
Sogandra: So you do have it! You stole it from me!
Terna: Your snake of a mother was such a good for nothing hoe that she had nothing better to do then betray her own friends
Sogandra: Your whore of a mother couldn't stand that my mother did better than her worthless ass ever could

Kevin: Wait, what the hell...
Abi: They started the music back up
Kevin: It's a freakin crime scene!
Abi: Kev, over here
Kevin: How do we find those three again on the dance floor?
Abi: I think we don't. I say we follow the new time door that's just appeared
Kevin: Another time door?
Abi: Yeah. Look, this obviously isn't where this began
Kevin: No, it seems to have begun with their parents. You think that's where the time door leads?
Ryvyr: You're gonna go nuts when you taste this tea, but we have to get the pendant back in order for me to..
Kevin: We're working on it. Ok, fine, lead us to the time door. Let's get to the bottom of this